Dr Noel Maturlu

Published in Issue 1.2 // The LaB

http://doi.org/10.63994/y01a4i

Keywords: Unrealistic Expectations, Intimate Relationships, Myths, Marriage, Resilience

Abstract

Unrealistic and unspoken expectations are a major but often overlooked cause of dissatisfaction and breakdown in intimate relationships. This systematic review synthesized 12 studies published between 2000 and 2025, drawn from a pool of 750 records across psychology, sociology, and counselling databases. Studies included quantitative, qualitative, and longitudinal designs conducted in the United States, Spain, the Netherlands, Poland, and the United Kingdom. Six recurring myths were identified: the “Soulmate” ideal, the “Happily Ever After” belief, mind-reading expectations, perpetual passion, post-marriage change, and conflict-free relationships. These myths, shaped by cultural narratives and media portrayals, consistently undermined satisfaction, communication, and long-term stability. Western cultures emphasized soulmate and passion ideals, while collectivist contexts reinforced expectations of partner transformation after marriage. Interventions such as premarital education and relationship literacy had mixed outcomes, succeeding when culturally adapted but failing when misaligned with local values. Findings highlight the need for systemic interventions that normalize imperfection, conflict, and growth.

About the Author

Dr Noel Maturlu is the Director of Love and Bliss, a non-profit organisation, and Editor-in-Chief of The LaB Press—home to the Journal of Positive Psychology, Agapology, and Spirituality. A licensed minister and pastor, psychologist, psychotherapist, and senior lecturer, he has authored numerous books and scholarly articles. His research and publications pivot around the decolonisation of the slavery mentality and the cultivation of a prosperity mindset. At the heart of his work is the nexus between spirituality, adversity, and human flourishing, with particular emphasis on advancing the flourishing of Afro-descendant communities both on the continent and across the diaspora.